I have a confession to make: it’s hard to post to this blog sometimes. The same thing happened last time. I would go silent for a period of time, then resurface. It’s because I was sick, yes, but there was more going on than that.
I’m a relentless optimist, and I use that terminology specifically because I know I can be so optimistic that it’s sometimes a little irritating. When I’m feeling really physically sick is the only time my optimism can start to flag. Actually, that’s not correct: my optimism doesn’t flag, but my spirit does. It’s the only time I cry, and I hate feeling sorry for myself because it doesn’t feel honest. I’m not sorry for myself at all: I sincerely do feel lucky and grateful about my situation and my life. So I end up conflicted: sick in body and briefly sick at heart, and feeling like I can’t talk about it.
And that makes me not post to this blog.
Yet part of the purpose of this blog is to normalize cancer. This disease and its treatments–along with side effects–are a part of life just like buying sneakers, starting a new job, or taking a vacation. I mean that seriously: life is life is life. It’s all meaningful. These are all things we can talk about openly, honestly, with a sense of hope and even (as I mentioned in a previous post) wonder and curiosity.
So here’s my pledge to post more frequently even if it’s just to catch up on mundane facts or even if it catches me in a rare down moment. Those are a part of the experience too, and they’re part of life. Hopefully knowing these brief dips in the road didn’t stop forward progress can help other folks keep moving forward too.