It’s All Part Of Life

I have a confession to make: it’s hard to post to this blog sometimes. The same thing happened last time. I would go silent for a period of time, then resurface. It’s because I was sick, yes, but there was more going on than that.

I’m a relentless optimist, and I use that terminology specifically because I know I can be so optimistic that it’s sometimes a little irritating. When I’m feeling really physically sick is the only time my optimism can start to flag. Actually, that’s not correct: my optimism doesn’t flag, but my spirit does. It’s the only time I cry, and I hate feeling sorry for myself because it doesn’t feel honest. I’m not sorry for myself at all: I sincerely do feel lucky and grateful about my situation and my life. So I end up conflicted: sick in body and briefly sick at heart, and feeling like I can’t talk about it.

And that makes me not post to this blog.


Yet part of the purpose of this blog is to normalize cancer. This disease and its treatments–along with side effects–are a part of life just like buying sneakers, starting a new job, or taking a vacation. I mean that seriously: life is life is life. It’s all meaningful. These are all things we can talk about openly, honestly, with a sense of hope and even (as I mentioned in a previous post) wonder and curiosity.

So here’s my pledge to post more frequently even if it’s just to catch up on mundane facts or even if it catches me in a rare down moment. Those are a part of the experience too, and they’re part of life. Hopefully knowing these brief dips in the road didn’t stop forward progress can help other folks keep moving forward too.

Related Posts

Be Your Own Advocate

I routinely encounter folks dealing with serious illness (mostly cancer, in my circumstances) who accept whatever the first doctor they meet tells them, even if what they’re told is that there is no hope. I

Read More »

Head and Neck Cancer Awareness Month

April is head and neck cancer awareness month! Be aware of the causes and symptoms, summarized in the graphic at the bottom. For me, it was a swollen lymph node below my jaw that didn’t

Read More »

Clinical Trial Math

Clinical trial math example: Monday + every two months = time to start worrying about my scan the following Monday. Tuesday + pain below my right ribs = worry about that AND the scan the

Read More »

My Best Days Are Ahead Of Me

Last year, I was in the hospital from chemo for my birthday, not knowing the cancer would blossom again months later. This year, I’m walking around San Francisco–short of breath sometimes, but walking–looking forward to

Read More »

Unpredictability and Patterns

The every-other-week treatment schedule has become habit at this point. In at 7:45 am, IV and blood draw, discussion with the trial nurse, meet with Dr. Ani, get the blood test results, then infusion and

Read More »

Speaking Out and its Price

I’m exhausted and stressed and sad and angry. I try to keep my posts here focused and positive, but it’s really hard at this point. I was contacted last week by the Organizing Director of

Read More »